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Time To Think

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I have a lot of time to think at my new job now. Some may say yay, some may say that's a burden, some may say "uh oh, what will she come up with now ><". I like thinking and will never stop thinking. I tend to overthink to be honest. It causes problems sometimes, but at other times it prevents problems or makes plans for if a problem can arise.
I guess the same could be said for analyzing a situation. Not everything is as intricate as I make it. Over analyzing, over thinking... I think in some cases they are synonymous with each other for me.

I'm a bit of a jealous type to be honest. I always shared toys well, yes, but ideas and managing those ideas.. lol.
Short story time: in high school my friend Kellee and I were never allowed to be on the same team for any projects. We both take charge and have opposite ideas. Nothing gets done as we sit there and go back and forth how to integrate both ideas into 1 or come up with a mutual idea. Yay for compromise? Not when the due date is the end of the class period and we haven't started 10 minutes left in it. The good news, both work fast and efficient so it was still on time most of the time...and other times we talked the teacher into giving us til the end of study hall. Perks of being well known in both school and church in a small christian school. Heh. Those good reputations went a long way in many things.
Anyways. We worked on a school play together in 8th grade.. it was the history teacher's first year at the school, and it was his first mistake. hahaha. We were put with 2 guys in the class who..........did.. absolutely.. 0. They wouldn't cooperate when it came time to act out the "greek play" we were supposed to write (Kellee and I wrote since they were too busy talking about girls the entire time). We got a C. Kellee and I = pissed off. Our parents got involved. We got an A minus and he never did group projects again

I do not share my guys either. Whomever I'm dating is mine and back the fuck off if you want to get closer than friends.

Back on topic. I like to think. ESP is affected by it because until if I start some plans I want to have happen for irl aside from going back to school in the fall, a majority of my brain power is going to how to do things and help the guild and TC. Good or bad? Both. The things and ideas. The bad... I'm sure by now many know I'm not the best at conveying thoughts especially when talking vocally. I expect ideas to go into play and will work until they do or until they do not work after a couple months.
Harsh I can be, bossy I can be, demanding and growling I can be, but it's done in your best interest in mind. I want things to work out so bad, ideas to make things better or easy to work out, that I will be pushy to get that end result.

To be honest I've tried leaving ESP 3 times in the past 2 years (hell, I may still end up leaving if I thought the problem(s) it'd solve overrides the problems it'd cause. Buy a 3rd account and have one on TC, BG, and NSP hoofing around on my own on TC, OnS on BG, and another guild of my old gw1 co leader/best friend/person you can all thank for the mentality of "a hardass and hard worker for your guild" instilled in me on NSP). One thing or another kept me here, and I intend to keep working here until I'm kicked. I will keep working and thinking and putting blood sweat and tears (all 3 have happened actually) into what I do in ESP so you have a good place to relax online. This guild has done more to my health in the past 3 years than I care to share haha. What I expect, people to participate as everything is game related and due to observations and requests. It's so frustrating to see all that work go to waste even for those who asked. It's not all in waste... I know what not to do anymore or things to change for the next idea.

No I'm not asked to do all this (well, sorta from Karuna and Danni when they made me an officer), but I do believe the officer rank is suppose to be a serving rank for members. We were promoted for a reason, not to just sit around basking in "power". That "power" should be respect in my opinion. I don't "give" respect. A person has to EARN it from me. I expect the same to be of me. I don't want a person's respect for my rank any more than acknowledgement that those above me deem me ok to have it. I earned it from them; now I want it from you. I want to have to earn it from you. Doesn't matter the rank... people won't listen if you've given no reason for them to listen to you. To show or prove you're there for them. That's what I intend to do. I have this rank for a reason. To help and to do. My mindset anyways...
Am I taking it too seriously? Maybe. Do I get frustrated when I think others aren't doing there part........I'm leaving it as Yes. But it's how I view any sort of responsibility on or offline in guild or at a job. Online carries into offline. Offline carries into online. What I do online I can use offline and I think I'm a better person for it. If you have responsibility, no matter where, keep up with it, or give it to someone else. I do not take on tasks that I do not believe I can handle or accomplish or carry on anymore.

Any my shift is soon to be over, so I need to do another round of the floors and get information in order for the midnight - 8am guy.

-hugs and much -

Actually I want to add this quick. Someone wonderful brought me Chinese food at work today....I got 6 fortune cookies with it o: here's 3 I really like
1) One's Mind, one stretched, by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions
2) It was when you found out you could make mistakes that you knew you were onto something
3) Nothing is a waste of time if you learn something from it

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Updated 01-17-2015 at 04:38 PM by Missy




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